Written by Wistep, entered for the blog's October fanfic contest (got first place yey) :P
ONTO THE ACTUAL STORY!
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early leaf-fall
I’m sorry for your loss.
Wait… what? I mean, Summershine is in the medicine cat den, down with a cold. But that’s a superficial wound that can heal within the blink of an eye.
Or can it?
During the night, a nightmare chases after me with frightening agility. It claws at me, swiping and scratching at the wall I’ve unconsciously created. Summershine, curled up and glassy eyed, haunts me as I race through the damp forest. Gnarled branch-tips dig into my flesh. A trail of blood snakes through the trees. But all I care about is getting away from it. It doesn’t end for an eternal… well, who knows how long.
The next morning, the nightmare subsides and I wake up in the world to find the nest beside me cold. Empty. I can still see the imprint she has left, a slight hollow in the perfect fronds of tender greenleaf ferns.
The air chokes me, the morning sticky and suffocating. My heart races faster and faster until it seems everything will explode altogether.
I stumble into the medicine cat den misty-eyed and groggy. The world spins like a never-ending carousel and a wave of nausea deems it the perfect time to crash down on me. Two words float out of my mouth.
Where’s Summershine?
A frozen silence.
She died yesterday, an unfortunate soul answers, oblivious to the pain it’s causing me.
I fight the urge to run out of the den, out of the camp, out of the territory, out of the forest, out of the world. Red swathes my vision in a stage curtain of crimson velvet as I let out a cry and crash to the dusty ground. You’re lying, I snarl up at their shocked faces. You’re lying, and you all know it. What kind of Clanmates are you?
The medicine cat turns a sympathetic face to me, the blue depths of his eyes shining with understanding. I’m sorry for your lo-
No. It’s those five words again. StarClan, please, no. I don’t want your stupid pity! I yell. I can sense nothing but a pounding storm of rage and I don’t care one bit; my Clanmates can’t possibly understand the claws tearing at my heart. You’re not even right, for StarClan’s sake! Summershine is fine!
You’re not getting it, Aspenwing starts, but I interrupt. Bare my teeth. And recklessly slash at him, my heart crazed with grief. A bright red gash appears, bubbling scarlet. The medicine cat is still as ice as he slowly reaches up to the scratch on his face with a trembling claw.
And without looking back, I run.
I have no idea where I’m going. For all I know, I can be sprinting in circles. Nothing matters right now. Nothing matters except the fact that the cold truth is sinking in, and it hurts too much for me to bear. ---
I collapse in a sunlit clearing. I can sense the soft grass pressed up against my fur, cool breeze brushing the tips of my whiskers. But nothing can put out the wildfires raging red-hot in my mind. No amount of sun can dry the tears I shed. Nothing can piece a shattered heart back together.
When I feel like I stretch my eyes open again, I look at my surroundings.
Leaf-fall has carried out its first strike; the cold wind stings my upturned cheek. The sun shines with a tinge of blood-red.
And finally, my breath hitches as my gaze falls on the small, lonely maple standing in the corner, cloaked in shadow.
My heart breaks all over again. This is my clearing. Summershine’s clearing. That maple… is her tree.
When we were apprentices, bright-eyed and mischievous, we’d sneak away from our mentors with practiced ease and delve into the forest. The territory had been a mysterious place, paradise and hell at the same time. We apprentices dreamed about what treasures could be hidden in the woods, but Summerpaw was… well, different. She wouldn’t sit around; she would go do it.
We would curl around the little maple at night, watching the skies twinkle with stars and shadows, mist and twilight. Tails entwined, fur brushing. Everything was perfect for thirteen moons.
The maple had been a haven for me and her- it was where we had invented games, laughed and gossiped, confided and comforted. It had been ours. ---
As I glance at the maple, a fierce possessiveness and love for it rushes forward. I must not let anything happen to it. It’s… it’s the only piece of Summershine I have left. I’ll do everything to guard it.
Night is majestic. Its vast, inky-blue cloak ripples with glowing nebulas and invisible planets. Tiny silver stars gleam like precious jewels.
But I can find no beauty in it anymore. Why does StarClan have to take away Summershine? What has she ever done to them? My claws dig into the supple earth beneath me. Can’t they have taken Aspenwing instead, for not saving lives when he needs to?
Of course not. He’s ThunderClan’s precious medicine cat. I scowl bitterly.
Without really knowing what I’m doing, I shift my gaze to my half-buried claws and promise to myself I’ll never look up at StarClan again. ---
The sun has barely peeked over the horizon when I stumble into camp, tendrils of musty, foggy sleep wrapped around me still. The cats on the dawn patrol, Sleetheart, Willownose and Duskpaw, give me strange looks. Sleetheart’s face says, What were you doing? Willownose gives me a glance that means, You look like a badger attacked you. And Duskpaw is quite simply, OH MY STARCLAN WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! And I realize why when I check my reflection in a small puddle in the shadows of camp. My blue eyes are bloodshot, thin veins tracing my pupils. Usually, my pelt is groomed to smooth honey-like perfection, but today it’s a knotted mess. Scrapes and flecks of dried blood dust the pads of my paws with scarlet.
I sigh and stand, my paws dragging pale dust into the air as I scoot into the warriors den. A pang of pain reverberates in my heart as I find myself staring at Summershine’s empty nest. Why? I wail silently.
The place is a painful reminder of her death, and I can’t- I can’t be in here. Scrambling to my paws, I streak out of the warriors den and collapse. Tears spill out. These tears are for Summershine, and no one else.
It’s sunhigh and I haven’t moved a single inch. A puddle sits at my paws. I can see the dust swirling with the salty teardrops, creating a thick, muddy brown cloud.
The kits bounce out of the nursery, send a curious glance at me, and resume their carefree play. However, one certain kit doesn’t seem to be affected by my gloomy mood. Do you wanna play mossball with me? Bluekit squeaks, her green-flecked eyes staring up at me. Her gray-and-white fur is tousled as always.
I growl. No. Leave me alone! It comes out bristling with bitter thorns and shards of shattered rocks. Shattered rocks that I have no one to throw at but poor Bluekit.
The feather-tailed she-kit flinches and guilt washes over me. I didn’t know you were like this, she says quietly, and walks away, ears drooping and tiny paws dragging.
I can feel my own spirits plummeting down an abyss. Why do I have to be like this? I’m hurting so many cats, so many innocent souls. If this had never- if Summershine had never died, none of this would be happening.
Why… ?
If I can turn back time and save everything, everything will be alright. The Clan will be happy, and I will be happy. Is it even possible?
Not sure if I’m sane or not, I decide to strike a bargain with StarClan. To set everything right. The best place to find these cats is probably the Moonpool. The Moonpool. It’s always had an aura of mystery and secrecy about it. The name itself sounds like starlit water and silver dreams. But anything can be a ruse. Everything can be a lie.
I do live in a world of backstabbing and grief, so it wouldn’t be surprising. But I can’t let go of this chance. If StarClan is as heavenly and godly as it’s told to be, I can’t let my shot go to waste.
Sucking in a breath, I plunge through the tunnel and out into ThunderClan territory. ---
The journey, with peril waiting to spring at me, extracts every bit of energy from me and I let myself collapse on the pebbles. Every nerve is blazing with fire, but I keep on dragging myself towards the glistening circumference of dark water.
At last, I can’t hold up my head anymore. It drops and I, light as a feather, dip the tip of my nose to the Moonpool. I barely remember anything else as I droop like a wilted flower. My muzzle is precariously balanced on the edge. The silver water licks at my fur and retreats back into the pool.
Once.
Twice.
Thrice.
From a tiny ripple, it grows to a wild, reckless tide. With a final, condescending WHOOSH, the wave of moonlight rushes over my body and pulls me into unconsciousness. ---
I blink. In front of me is a vast silver-tinged meadow splashed in starlight, the scent of blooming honeysuckle blossoms drifting through the air. The sky is filled with a plethora of pale blue butterflies. Birdsong pierces the silence with three long notes, sweet like honey and vibrating with fragile highness.
StarClan is actually quite beautiful, and I drink in the peace. Until time starts to tick by, and my blue gaze darts around nervously, searching for signs of StarClan’s legendary warriors.
I nearly jump out of my fur when a voice appears out of nowhere. Oh, my love. Whirling around, my claws slide out. But I realize… that it’s Summershine’s voice.
Where are you? I call helplessly, feeling like a lost kit. Please… please. If you love me, come out! My voice has an edge of desperation to it, so high-pitched I think I’m close to clawing the tranquil night sky to shreds looking for Summershine.
No, no, dear, comes Summershine’s voice again. I bite back a breathless gasp. I can’t. I can see you, but you cannot see me. Why have you come? Her soft, comforting voice instantly takes on a dry brittleness- like the dead leaves of leaf-fall.
StarClan is known for its magic, right? I begin, my voice taking on a tinge of hysteria. If I can ask StarClan to turn back time, or reincarnate you, see how much pain and suffering that would be eased. I’m not just doing this for myself. It’s for everyone in my Clan, from little Bluekit to… even Aspenwing. Please, Summershine, please. Just grant me this one wish.
A laugh rings in my ears, a laugh that rings of regret and sorrow. It’s so different from her usual sugar-sweet song. StarClan cannot grant these wishes of yours. We are not deities; we are the spirits who watch and guide those on the earth. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I mean, I’d love to have another life. Is that her attempt at a joke? I’m already sick to the core.
I don’t want to hear anymore, Summershine, I force out. I’m leaving.
And with a blink, I find myself curled around the Moonpool, salty drops of sweat trickling through my fur. ---
mid leaf-fall
Come on, eat these poppy seeds, Aspenwing coaxes me like I’m a kit. With his plumy tail, he sweeps the three poppy seeds closer to my jaws. They will do you good. His eyes are expectant, watching me with a calmness only he can muster.
I avoid his searching gaze. Too drained to argue, I curl my golden-brown tail around my paws and slump again to the dirt floor. Why does Aspenwing care about me, anyway? I’m just a broken shell of myself, hollowed out until there is nothing inside me anymore. Ever since my StarClan dream, I’ve given up on life.
Aspenwing sighs and leaves me alone.
Everything I think about is all a flurry of why’s and what’s and who’s. Why did Summershine have to die? What did she do to StarClan? Who exactly was responsible for her death?
That question… I honestly don’t have an answer to. Because no one killed her.
She was the light in my life, the sun sparkling in the darkness for me. Without her, all of the colors, fuchsia and scarlet, indigo and gold, have bled out. The world is just a gray, gray prison.
Each time my heart drops, for some reason, my paws carry me to the little maple. Over the course of leaf-fall, it’s gone through quite a bit of change. The leaves are the color orange. The color of wide-eyed fascination and the thin glass of fragility, of marble-stone pride and sugared indulgences.
But like all the wonders of nature, the maple’s profound beauty can only last for so long.
Ever since Summershine’s left me, I can sense this deep, pulsing connection with the maple. It is mine. I am it. We are together.
It’s the only piece of her I have left. And I’m determined to keep it. ---
Aspenwing seems to be pleased that I’m making more frequent excursions to the forest beyond the thorny camp walls. This is good for you, he reminds me for what seems like the thousandth time. Breathe in the fresh air. Let the sounds of trickling water transform to music in your ears. Feel the breeze tugging at your fur, waiting for you to sprint like it does. Life is a treasure, my dear warrior. Keep it. Take care of it. Cherish it.
I want to tell him that I am cherishing life.
His bright blue eyes, gleaming like the endless sky, glitter with a world’s worth of memories and wisdom. I wonder what he’s seen, heard, felt, scented, tasted. For the first time in moons, I feel alive.
The maple is my treasure, the most precious jewel of all. Rubies glitter from its branches and diamond dewdrops bloom. With it, as I watch the rippling, soft light of sunset bathe its leaves with a orange-gold shimmer, I feel like I can conquer the world. ---
My shining triumph is short-lived. A half-moon remains before the icy blue talons of leaf-bare clutch the land.
One morning, I wake up to frost dusting the camp in a silver wonderland. And I wonder if my maple is as beautiful.
Of course. It is the most beautiful creation in the world, a masterpiece that cannot be surpassed.
But my spirits fall like the day when Bluekit approached me as my eyes widen at the sight of the maple.
It’s no longer in shades of flame, no longer the ever-burning candle nothing can blow out. The leaves are rimmed with frost, wisps of black drifting through like stormclouds in the sky.
No.
This can’t be happening.
No, no, no.
The maple can’t be leaving me now. Please, no! I scream to the listless, silent skies. StarClan, you can’t do this to me! You can’t rip my maple from me! You can’t. Take. Summershine! Again!
As I watch, horrified, time seems to slow. I can see the leaf’s stem slowly detach itself from the branch. In three agonizingly long heartbeats, it completely frees itself of the branch and…
Time speeds again. Within the blink of an eye, the leaf flutters up and away, a tiny crimson speckle whirling through the clouds.
Why must life be so cruel? It’s taken everything I’ve loved, everything I’ve ever treasured.
Love.
Happiness.
Remembrance.
Everything is gone.
Nothing is left.
I can’t give up. Not now. Not yet. Not ever.
Scrambling to my paws, I run into the dense forest. I have a destination: the stream. When Summershine and I were apprentices, we had detested gathering moss there. But she’d been the light in it. She had found a way to make me happy. One day, she proposed having a moss fight. I was… skeptical, but nothing could go wrong with Summershine’s sharp mind. As we played, yelping and laughing as our pelts became tangled in moss, the sun would set and time would pass quickly. And then our mentors would yell for us, but what did that matter?
I shake my head, clearing out the bittersweet memories. It’s time to take action.
The stream looks as peaceful as it was when I was an apprentice. But this is no time for drowning in nostalgia. I unsheathe my claws, now blunt tips, and set to work. Scrape moss. Check. Soak moss in water. Check. Run back to maple. Check. Water maple. Check.
I allow myself a tight smile and return to camp feeling a bit better. ---
After two weeks, nothing has changed. Actually it’s gotten worse. The blackness spreads to all of the leaves, and more began to wither and blow away.
I stop eating. Sleeping. Talking. I shut myself from the world, waiting for the final day when there will be no going back to the good old days. ----
I weep through that last night, my tears falling. Watering the earth with grief and lost love. Clouds mist over the moon and nothing is right. Nothing will get better.
The dark skies of twilight vanish, and at the dawn of leaf-bare, something happens.
As I stare at the horizon, I fall silent. I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as a sunrise before, I realize. As the sun slowly, slowly appears from beneath, mesmerizing the world with its faint golden shine…
The first ray of the new day’s sunlight illuminates the tiny maple.
I remember the first day now. The day after Summershine left. The little tree sits in the corner, covered in shadows and afraid to say hello to the light. Small. Vulnerable. Alone.
Now it’s different. It may have lost everything, but it’s in the light now. Shining.
Shining with a new dawn.
A new future.
And hope.
The last leaf shivers, and everything is suddenly pure and clear. I reach for the tiny maple leaf. Without a moment of hesitation, I pluck it from the branch and watch it disappear into the brilliant, brilliant skies forever.
Life a never-ending mountain range. Climb a peak, and joy is imminent as success is found. But then, how are you supposed to descend the mountain?
You accidentally fall down a cliff and break a bone. However, injuries heal, and you achieve more as time goes on. Then you suffer more falls. And rise up again.
But one thing about life will never change. In the end, everything is worth it, because sunlight will always shine after the darkness.
“When it rains, look for rainbows.
When it’s dark, look for the stars.”
-Unknown
THE END