Known as Shadow and Sky for short. Sequel to ? <- HEARTBEAT. Originally posted on blogclan as ?<-HEARTBEAT part 2. I guess you could call it a songfic?
Written by a person who can't write but tries. Story is inspiried by Daydream Warrior by Aqours, and the author's own misadventures with guilt, sorrow and the things she deserves.
Warning: references self harm and suicidal thoughts. Implied depression. If this makes you uncomfortable please turn away now.
The story Edit
0. (if you can’t then at least try) Edit
This is a story. One could call it a love story, or a story of war. It’s a sad story, in some ways, and a happy one in others. It’s a painful story, it hurts to remember. But most of all, it’s a true story, a story about love and loss, a story about dreams and darkness, a story about wishing and what comes true. Because after all, even if you think can’t reach your dream, you can at least try.
1. (pretence is only ever a temporary way of escape) Edit
She closes her eyes; it was easier to pretend than anything else right now. The voice in her heart’s calling but she pretends she can’t hear it, pretends she can’t feel the throbbing of her heart with each step she took. She’s tired. She’s tired of walking for sunrise after sunrise, she’s tired of doing this on her own, she’s tired of glancing round every heartbeat to look for a sign that probably would never show itself. She’s tired of the pain in her paws and her throat and her heart and she wants to scream but she can’t, it hurts too much.
2. (stop running away from the problem) Edit
She breaks into a run, somehow. She barely had any stamina left but she was sprinting by the time she got to the river and each breath wavers even after she stopped. She stands on one of the stepping stones, peering into the raging waters. She wonders if it’s easier to just let herself go (everything was heavy, it was dragging her down, she wanted to fall) into the current and let herself be swept away but she can’t, she can’t she C A N ‘ T
3. (how can you, if you have no power?) Edit
It hurt to remember. Even now as she lay under a bramble bush, oblivious to the thorns that made her fur cry bloody tears, too exhausted from running away, away from the mission, away from the war, away from everything. She couldn’t. She couldn’t do the mission and she can’t end this war. It was all stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid her. Stupid war. Stupid world for letting this happen. If the mission leader was so wise and powerful then why didn’t he think? Why didn’t he think about what he would cause? (She laughed at that, he clearly did think, had it all planned out, she was so selfish but she didn’t even care anymore)
4. (useless useless useless) Edit
It’s useless, isn’t it? The thought had come to her one day as she chewed on a bone. There was no food around but it gave her mouth something to do. It was useles , this mission, what was she thinking heen she set off? A useless mission to pursue a useless feeling, a useless feeling of a useless life. She took the bone from her mouth, running the sharp end through her fur softly before digging down deep; so deep she wanted to scream (but she silenced herself, she couldn’t feel this waay). She let the blood flow. after all, she couldn’t forgive how she felt. She gets up, and began running again, the blood spilling behind her.
5. (there is no room for weakness in this world) Edit
She tries not to listen but day by day it began to overwhelm her. Give up, give up give up give up. You’re stupid, she thought, kicking the dirt. You’re stupid and useless and selfish. How can you think you can end such a war just with your life? You’re not special, you’re just another pawn in this stupid, stupid game. That triggers something inside her head. She gets up, somehow, with renewed energy, and she doesn’t shout into the emptiness but she exhales and digs her claws into the ground. There’s no room for weakness in this world. There’s no room for weakness in this world. There’s no room for weakness in this world. (But no matter how many times she said it, she knew there was always room for weakness, and that she was full of it)
6. (why did we ever meet) Edit
As much as it hurt, it was easier in a way if she tried to go back, to relive those moments she shared with that someone. Why did they ever meet? What were they even doing? She remembers flashes; a cloudless blue sky, the warmth of sunlight, vibrancy dancing before her eyes before everything turned white, then black, and everything was cold and dark and unknown. Even so, why did it come and haunt her now? They were buried for so long (she thought they had been pushed out of her by moon after moon of stone-cold hate), why come surface now? She laughed a bitter laugh. No one would ever know.
7. (i want to believe it’s not a lie) Edit
It was one of the better days that it came to her once more. She’d put off thinking about it for days and here it was again, creeping into her head as she slowly drifted off to sleep after a somewhat peaceful day. There was something, she felt, definitely something that linked the two of them, something that made a deep bond between them. She wondered what it was. She knew it definitely wasn’t family; she had no family to speak of. Besides, the emotions she felt when she thought about family were completely different to the ones she felt when she thought about her. (Deep down, in the darkest corners of her heart she knew she thought that only because she wanted to believe it wasn’t a lie. It’s an illusion. An illlusion, crumbling, into pieces, broken, gone)
8. (dreams can only be dreams) Edit
She’s just a daydream, she thought after eating one day. Stop thinking about her. After all, dreams can only be dreams, no matter how much it hurt.
9. (i’d fight) Edit
After days of running, (thinking, crying, hurting) another thought came to mind, What would she fight for? After all, the people on the mission had no reason, they simply did it to survive, to not be killed, to be able to wake up the next day with enough energy to move and breath and kill. She looked around her, the endless moors. No life was in sight. Probably because they’d all been killed, she thought. War is a monster. But then, what was peace? (peace was a dream, something she wished for but would never come true) She imagined the fields to be green, with flowers blooming and the sun shining and kits running around with their mothers watching. It would be something beautiful. Something beautiful and perfect (something that would never happen, so many people had wished for peace but it never happened). Something she would fight for. She would figt for a peacful world, for her, for the world, but most of all for that someone. (her lost love).
10. (wishes don’t come true) Edit
She wanted to return. She wanted to return to those days they were close, to those peaceful days that ended all too quickly. The days she didn’t know how to treasure. But this one wish of hers wouldn’t come true, no matter how hard she tried (she knew they didn’t come true but she still wanted to believe)
11. (walking to death with my head held high) Edit
Until she could find a way, she could only dream. She had to continue. To fight, to keep moving, to go on, she thought. Until she found a way, she would swallow her tears and face death with her head held high. Until she found a way, she would sharpen her skills and fight so they would meet again.
12.(i wish it’s all just a daydream) Edit
She wished it was all just a dream of hers. She wished she could just wake up and everything would be peaceful and that someone was there. She tried to forget, she really did; but no matter how hard she tried it always came back. She wished peace was easier to reach; but in the midst of this war everything seemed hard. and as she ran across the bare plains, she decided that even if she only had this life, she would use it to end this war. And even if she couldn’t… Well, at least she’d tried.
13. Epilogue. (in the field of flowers) Edit
She met her in a field of flowers. It made her happy; she hadn’t seen flowers for so long, nor had she seen such bright colours, such a warm sun. But what made her happiest was that someone else was there. She hadn’t talked to someone in so long.
“Hi.” The other cat greeted her with a warm smile, one that made her all giddy inside. It brought back all sorts of feelings, some she would rather forget. The other had grey tabby and white fur, a worn frame and green, tired-but-happy eyes. She gave her a look, and instantly her own memory flashed back to days where she had looked into a pair of green eyes like these and suddenly she was crying, curled up on the ground tears flowing into the grass beneath her.
“Hey.” The other cat leaned over her, licking the top of her head. She had never felt so ashamed in her life. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She didn’t look up, she couldn’t, she hated how weak she was, she hated it- but somehow words formed in her mouth.
“I guess I finally found it, huh?”
“Found what?” The other cat asks
“Peace. It’s been so long… it’s been so long since I saw flowers, since I saw the sun.” She was babbling and crying like a kit, but she didn’t really care either way. “The war…. It’s been so long since I left something behind. I guess I should’ve treasured those days.” She finally lifted her head up, blinking as hot, wet tears formed in her eyes again.
“It really has, hasn’t it?” The other cat sighed. “I ran away. I ran far away from everything. I found this place. Other cats have come, but they never talk. They pass through and a few moons later they all return, some killed, some hurt, others battered but alive. I’ve been living here for so long, but I never forgot how lucky I was, and how unlucky others were, you know? Some, they’ve been living in luck and peace for so long that they don’t treasure it anymore.”
“Yeah.” She sniffs and she swallows down the lump that rises in her throat. “Like me, I guess. Everything was taken away so quickly, I couldn’t…”
“I know.” The other cat lies down next to her, and surprisingly gently, licks her on the nose. She gulps, and her eyes widen as an all too familiar scent fills her nose and sweeps her away and she almost cries again. She can see tears in the other cat’s eyes too and there they are, both crying into eachother’s fur but neither of them care. Several heartbeats pass, maybe longer, maybe even a several sunlit days; she doesn’t know but it doesn’t matter. The tears dry up and it turns into smiles. “It’s been so long, huh, Shadow?”
“Yeah, Skye, it really has been.” She breaks into a smile herself and they both open their mouths and a beautiful, beautiful sound comes out- laughter– that makes her giddy with joy. She would always treasure peace.
- Each verse is based on lines from the second verse to the end of the english lyrics to Daydream Warrior written by the author, with the exception of the epilogue
- The first verse and chorus are featured in the oneshot before this
- The author would appreciate it if readers gave constructive criticism with their honest opinion, even if they think this is a horrible ripoff and should be deleted at once
- The author would like to be reminded how to edit the "I am'" and the "I live in" sections of their profile
- The author would like to thank you all for not kicking them off blogclan and finding the time to read this.